A day in the life of this stripper.This is often a typical day when I’m working during the week. I usually work only one night while I have my daughter with me so I don’t miss out on too much time with her.
7:30am - Wake to get my little girl ready for school.8:30am - Leave for school. Drop her off to her classroom.
9:30am - Get my acrylic nails back-filled. Maybe do a quick grocery shop and buy garbage food because I didn’t eat breakfast and I’m shopping on an empty stomach.10:30am - Return home with unhealthy food and put it away. Shower and exfoliate to remove the old fake tan that is beginning to look crappy and to prepare my skin for reapplication of a fresh fake tan.
11:00am - Put pore strips on my face and apply my fake tan while the pore strips dry.11:15am - Remove pore strips from my face. Lay a towel on the couch or bed ready to sit or lie around naked while my fake tan dries. Without the towel, the tan can transfer to and stain whatever my body touches. Prepare bottles of nail polish to paint my nails.
11:30am - Sit naked in front of the fan to help the tan dry and avoid sweating it off in the summer heat while it sets, then begin painting my nails. Apply base coat of clear nail polish and try to find something to do for at least half an hour (while the base coat dries properly) that doesn’t involve using my hands too much. Often, I’ll browse on the Internet while it’s drying as I can do so without having to use my hands all that much. As long as I don’t mind typing ridiculously slowly, I can even have a conversation online.12:00pm - Apply first coat of bright red nail polish. Curse when I stuff up and get nail polish on the edge of my finger. The bright red tends to stain skin and is very difficult to remove. Curse some more when I accidentally touch one of my freshly painted nails with a finger and end up with fingerprints on it. Try to touch up said stuffed up fingernail. Curse once more when I realise that I’m hungry and probably should have prepared food /before/ I started doing my nails.
12:15pm - Sit impatiently, listening to my stomach growl.12:30pm - Make toast in an extremely funny-looking manner since that’s about the easiest thing to prepare and eat while attempting to not touch anything. Curse at making an indent in the still soft, supposedly 50 second nail polish that /actually/ takes the better part of a day to dry hard enough to enable me to function as a real human being again. Eat toast.
1:00pm - Apply second coat of bright red nail polish. Curse when I realise that I need to go to the toilet and I probably should have done so /before/ I applied the second coat of polish. Squirm uncomfortably for half an hour.1:30pm - Go to the loo and breathe a sigh of relief. Curse when I bump a nail on the cold water tap and make another mark in stupid ‘fast drying’ nail polish. Sit/lie around for a bit longer, playing online and typing stupidly slowly.
2:00pm - Apply top coat of clear nail polish. Be quietly pleased that it mostly hides the bumps and marks made previously. Look ridiculous while trying to scratch itchy upper thigh with big toe. Get sore hands from holding iPhone in an uncomfortable position for so long. Change hand position and curse when I make a mark in the previously mirror-smooth top coat after being silly enough to change hand position.2:30pm - Get dressed and leave to pick up my daughter from school. Try to drive while holding the steering wheel with only the thumb and forefinger of each hand. Silently praise the inventor of power steering.
3:00pm - Return home and hang out with my darling girl for a while. Make her an afternoon snack.4:00pm - Try to nap on the couch. Drift in and out of sleep for about an hour as my daughter sings to herself while she plays a game despite me asking her nicely to please sing a little more quietly.
5:00pm - Wake up and curse (under my breath this time since my daughter is nearby) that I now have the weave of the couch fabric imprinted in the polish on at least two fingernails. Shower, washing off the excess fake tan, then shave my legs and underarms.5:30pm - Eat a quick afternoon snack for myself and pack some of last night’s left over dinner into a microwaveable container to take with me for dinner at work when I take a break sometime between midnight and 2:00am.
6:00pm - Brief the babysitter on dinner, homework, and tomorrow’s lunch preparation for my daughter. Kiss my beautiful little girl goodbye. Wish that I could stay at home and hang out with her instead. Leave for work.6:30pm to 8:00pm - Arrive at work. Put on my face and get ready.
8:00pm to 3:00am - Get naked as many times as possible.3:00am - Get dressed back into my street clothes and head home.
3:30am - Arrive home. Snuggle with my sleeping little girl for a precious few minutes. Wind down for a short while. Remove my makeup.4:00am - Get into bed. Sleep.
7:30am - Wake to get my little girl ready for school. Be ever-so-happy that I have a job that pays well enough so that I only have to work a few nights a week and can usually spend the rest of the week with the most beautiful little girl in the world.